Shaken & Stirred

Blood Sport

Sally Jenkins is always good when she writes about cycling (and particularly the Tour de France), and now she proves herself insightful on horse racing too. She has an excellent column today about the tragedy of Eight Belles' death and the causes behind it:

There is no turning away from this fact: Eight Belles killed herself finishing second. She ran with the heart of a locomotive, on champagne-glass ankles for the pleasure of the crowd, the sheiks, oilmen, entrepreneurs, old money from the thousand-acre farms, the handicappers, men in bad sport coats with crumpled sheets full of betting hieroglyphics, the julep-swillers and the ladies in hats the size of boats, and the rest of the people who make up thoroughbred racing. There was no mistaking this fact, too, as she made her stretch run, and the apologists will use it to defend the sport in the coming days: She ran to please herself.

Calling All Aspies (And Family Members)

Christopher is trying to finish an end of the semester project for his Linguistics class, looking at the speaking traits of people with Asperger's Syndrome. He has designed a quick, handy online survey and needs responses from folks with an AS diagnosis OR who live with someone with AS and are familiar with their conversational style.

Anonymous, of course, and you will earn both our undying gratitude -- anonymously -- for filling it out. Please pass on to anyone you know who fits the bill.

Mercury Retrograde?

Today's Annoying Parts of Life: 1) tire with a hole in it (fixed, and even for free), 2) hot water heater problems plus (with the plus upping the total to YEEOUCH 3-grand), and 3) dirty hair (see hot water heater problems) and bad sleep last night leading to a general state of fuzzy-headedness.

It's a nice day outside, at least, and these things are minor in the scheme of, and too shall pass. Etc. (It would be, perhaps, easier if I wasn't on antibiotics that prevent the consumption of wine. Three. More. Days.)

And now that I've TMI-ed you to death, here's a happiness-inducing thing: Graeme McMillan's list of X-Men Who Should Be X-ed Out. I'm still mulling whether I have any additions, but have got to concur with Angel and some of the other conclusions*. Your own nominations welcome in the comments.

Also, if you're a moneybags and would, y'know, like to send me 3-grand, I have a use for it**.

*Who knew that Australian teleporters suck so hard?

**No, I'm not going post-apocalypse. I should be able to shower when I get home. Poor, but clean.

Ghosts in the RSS Feed

Theresa Duncan set up an autopost for today featuring a Dick Cavett anecdote about Basil Rathbone, a friend's car crash and a message from a medium. Apparently, another will appear on New Year's Eve.

Olympia is Burning

This striking image by photojournalist Petros Giannakouris accompanied today's Associated Press story about the massive fires sweeping across Greece. Firefighters were able to stop fires just before they destroyed the ruins of Ancient Olympia, but others continue to burn.

Just Saying

The NYT profiles the deal-breaking content of some apartments. One rich, strange bachelor has faded, decades-old kiddie sheets (because they don't make them in adult sizes anymore*):

“I was dating this very nice woman, I thought,” says Mr. Podell. “I was ready and she was ready to do the big deed. I take her to my apartment, go into the bedroom, and fling back the sheets, and she said, ‘My husband had these sheets and he was a mean-hearted son of a bitch and you must be like him and I’m leaving.’ ”

Could it be maybe, just maybe, that the problem is that Mr. Podell refers to sex as "the big deed"?

But stuffed baby seal guy's just getting a bad rap. Klimt posters, however? Buffy already handled that one.

Gavin, let me know if any of these people write in to Dear Aunt G: I am ready with the advice bazooka.

*This guy is a millionaire and yet not enterprising enough to get some custom sheets made? The women SHOULD be running.

Japanese Snow Monkeys!

Live Cam! (Via Jenny D.)

Dead White Guys Rule

The Atlantic Monthly has compiled a list of the 100 most influential Americans. I don't know if it's more of a commentary on the list or America that there's so little diversity on it. Full list behind the cut, for the curious.

You Know You Said It

Awwwww.

Why does China hate the guanmao?

See slideshow for more cuteness.

I Heart Dress-Up

One of the best things online this week has been all the wonderful photos from Comic Con of People In Costume. (PICs, if you must have an acronym.) Frankly, I find all the sort of Ren Faire-reject pirates* a little sad, but then there's shots like this one from Wired. There's more where that came from, but Theo Black's two sets are my faves so far.

*This is a compliment to the Ren Faire, not an insult. Really.

Well, This Is Good News

"Witchcraft ban ends in Zimbabwe":

Zimbabwe has lifted a ban on the practice of witchcraft, repealing legislation dating back to colonial rule.

From July the government acknowledges that supernatural powers exist - but prohibits the use of magic to cause someone harm.

In 1899, colonial settlers made it a crime to accuse someone of being a witch or wizard - wary of the witch hunts in Europe a few centuries earlier which saw many people burned at the stake after such accusations.

But to most Zimbabweans, especially those who grew up in the rural areas, it has been absurd to say that the supernatural does not exist.

In fact, it is not hard to find vivid stories about the use of magic.

Alfred, for example, believes that he was bewitched at work some years ago, making him partly bald.

Now THAT, friends, is a great sentence. (Via Judith Berman.)

 

April Fool's

Spotted two so far:

Locus Online with the usual run of gags (a little disappointing this year, for me anyway)
Kingdom of Loathing (just go there -- read through the titles)

Updated: Teresa Nielsen Hayden at Making Light points out several more

AND: Ed Champion is cracking me up.

Case of the...

My Edna St. Vincent Millay is missing.

Searching for Something

Inspired by Justine (though I'm too lazy to link to the pages here these actually led to), random search strings that led people here in the last 24 hours:

El Monte Calle
What year is Matt Czuchry
Silly Games
curtis sittenfeld "the man of my dreams"
joan d. vinge
CENSORED
paparrazi of milo and alexis
"Dave Schwartz" + weather
weevil + veronica + music videos
Logan and Veronica wallpaper
Dan Chiasson and Justin Tussing
Firebirds Rising
real life novel princess
teapots Austen
mud pies in Haiti

(Who are Milo and Alexis? Oh and welcome, Veronica Mars fans/Gilmore Girls fans/Old Man Sittenfeld...)

Heart to Heart

g1. Dana's collected some choice anti-Valentines from her friends over at #1HS. Her own is about a particularly noxious college neighbor:

My neighbor in college--a girl from the bayous named (I shit you not) Katrina--would appear on my doorstep daily, Schneider-like, to bend my ear, always with terrible news. Sometimes it was because she had rescued half-dead cats. Sometimes it was because the half-dead cats had peed on her bed.

2. The fabulous Hank Stuever has a piece about Lloyd Dobler:

Heaps of devotional words have been written about Lloyd Dobler. The early stages of a popularized Internet seemed to exist for people to make Lloyd Dobler references, and Lloyd Dobler tribute pages that linger ("Last updated on July 1, 1997"). There's a fairly successful Wheaton-based band called the Lloyd Dobler Effect, which has toured forever. (Sadly, a Hootie and the Blowfish comparison in a review of the Lloyd Dobler Effect's work prevents us from going any further.)

Clop, Clop Go the Cows

Best cycling photo ever.

Reasons to Love Dolly, No. 74

Awhile back, Dolly Parton started a charity called the Imagination Library, which mails a book a month to all children from birth to 5 years of age in Sevier County, TN, regardless of income. The program is spreading. Dolly sez:

"They call me the Book Lady. That's what the little kids say when they get their books in the mail. They think I bring them and put them in the mailbox myself, like Peter Rabbit or something," she said, laughing.

Where she grew up in tiny Locust Ridge, children's books and education were luxuries. "My mother was married when she was in the seventh grade, so a lot of my people didn't get a chance to get an education," she said. "Imagination Library was really born out of my need to try to help people knowing what a handicap it was with a lot of my relatives."

Odds and Ends De Nada, Alex

Little things, not quite hangovers.

• I'm sure you've seen this elsewhere, but here's John Joseph Adams' instructions for more formally expressing your feelings about the end of Sci Fiction: Everyone who is dismayed over the death of SCI FICTION, email SCIFI.com at feedback@scifi.com and tell them of your displeasure. Also, if you want to write a long, detailed, and eloquent letter that you'd like the community to see, send a note to Science Fiction Weekly too, at scifiweekly@scifi.com, and maybe they'll publish it in their letters column.
• Speaking of which, this probably isn't a bad time to support other short fiction outlets in the genre that are consistently excellent, such as Strange Horizons, The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, Asimov's, Realms of Fantasy, Black Static (formerly The Third Alternative), insert your own here, etc., etc. Or how about newcomers the Fairy Tale Review or Fantasy magazine (which little birdies say includes lots of X chromosomes on the TOC)? One of the things that has always made the genre feel unique to me is the value that's still placed on short fiction; let's keep it that way.
• The windshield wipers decided to up and die on the way home from work today, leading to waiting for C to come follow me home, a fifteen minute interlude that led to utter exhaustion. And our heat is currently blinking in and out (don't worry, guesties, it'll be fixed by the time you get here) at the exact same time it's finally getting autumn cold. And I have to write anyway. Whine. That is all.

Not If You're Chinese* (Updated)

Tod Goldberg reveals: Dean Koontz = Batshit Crazy:

He then went on to read us the letters he'd sent to the Japanese chairman of the film company in question where he asked repeatedly to have his name removed from the film. The letters were about, generally, the US kicking Japanese ass in World War II, the inability of the Japanese to defend themselves against Godzilla, some more fascinating invective about the US defeating the Japanese, a touching bit about Pearl Harbor, another about the Bataan Death March, a touch more about the Japanese surrender and then, of course, a bit about Mothra, too. Each letter was addressed to "Mr. Teriyaki." (Internment camps were not mentioned in any of the letters, which I assume was a simple omission on Mr. Koontz's part and will be rectified in the future.)

Stunningly, the audience thrilled to the stories! The laughter cascaded about the room! People dabbed tears! Do you have any stories about your hatred of the Jews, Mr. Koontz? Any good ones about the Muslim world? How about a notation on some more racial stereotypes you've used when negotiating your name off other shitty movies?

Read the whole thing. Some of you have heard me rant about Dean Koontz's dog Trixie being forced to write books (and apparently make New Year's resolutions) in the past. Free Trixie! Whatever you do, don't tell him she's a Japanese spy!

*This will only make sense to you if you happened to be at the ICFA banquet of 2000-aught2. Suffice to say, some of us have witnessed similiarly baffling speechery.

Updated: I missed Lee Goldberg's post on same, which features an account of an exchange with Dean Koontz after reading his post. I particularly love the concessions he made:

I got a call today from Dean Koontz, who wasn't pleased about the comments here. I apologized to him for using "Sambo" and "Kike" as comparisons for his use of "Mr. Teriyaki" to refer to the Asian exec. He found the use of those words pejorative and said they mischaracterized the tenor of his speech. I agreed. So I  have changed them to "Mr. Fried Chicken" and "Mr. Matzoball." I believe his speech was offensive and in bad taste -- and I reiterated that belief to him in our phone conversation.

Updated: The LA Times covers the speech and resulting dust-up and Tod Goldberg reacts, once again in hilarious fashion.

The Pleasure of Good Company

Steve Martin has been awarded the eighth annual Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. The ceremony sounds fun:

Dave Barry, who wrote jokes for Martin's Oscar-hosting gig two years ago, mentioned that he performed his Academy Awards monologue with his fly open. "And," said Barry, " I think it says something about Steve as a performer, and as a man, that no one noticed."

The most off-message message of the evening came from Larry David, who told a hilarious shaggy-dog tale in which Martin mistreats a homeless guy, plagiarizes a Dorothy Parker story, abuses a cat, acts boorish in a theater and finally insults David's Jewish heritage. "Maybe next time you'll give this award to someone who deserves it," said David. "Someone whose personal conduct is beyond reproach. Someone like . . . uh, you'll figure it out."

Little Things

While Harper's doesn't put everything online, it turns out they do put a fair amount of things from the Readings section at the front of the magazine up. (And let's be honest: isn't that the best part of Harper's? It 's always been my favorite.) Some Nigerians believe phone calls are killing people. The customs of the Waorani tribe of Ecuador. The devil's edict. A series of escalating emails between Judd Apatow and Mark Brazill.

Happy sigh.